Protect your child from “man's greatest enemy”

Children are innocent and pure from a young age, seeing everything as beautiful, without prejudice or judgment. Then, in the blink of an eye, we suddenly see an “adult” with all sorts of problems.

So when did I become my own enemy? What kind of me am I?

“Ego” – is the biggest enemy of human life. Children grow up, begin to have awareness of “I”, but most are not guided to build a good, correct “I”. A system formed in an old society that still has a heavy ideology of hierarchy, evaluating people based on social position and money/degrees (typically the educational system that pursues achievements) has increasingly nurtured that ego in a bad direction every day.

I am this, I am that. I have this, I have that. Me, me, me… That Ego is the source of all suffering. The taller the tree, the longer the shadow. The more successful, wealthy, talented I am… the deeper the arrogance, fear, and desire, so deep that it is unrecognizable.

Children are innocent and pure from a young age, seeing everything as beautiful, without prejudice or judgment.

Yesterday, my dear sister commented, “If I hadn’t had the disease of loving to study and read since I was a child, I would have been a vegetable seller all my life...”. I and countless others think so too. When I was in 11th grade, I loved sewing, my father told me that if I failed the university entrance exam, I should become a tailor. Surely we always say that to our children, I also told my children that look at me, if I didn’t study, I wouldn’t be like this now, but I would have to work…

Such words unintentionally affected the child's ego. At first, he was afraid. Afraid that I was not beautiful, not good at studying, not obedient, not loved, not respected... so he tried hard.

The story is, if it grows up to be beautiful, smart, good, loved… it will nurture an arrogant ego (I am smart, beautiful, good…). What will happen to these children? Arrogance. Oh, that’s me, I am better than others. Secretly looking down on those who are worse off (and fearing those who are better off). But behind that is immense fear.

Fear that I might not be pretty/good/nice enough… so just one bad mark, one pimple… would keep him up at night. I saw too many kids stressed out just because of an 8 in math or a scar on their hand.

Another story is that at least 80% of children will not be good enough, beautiful enough, or obedient enough. This case is no less bad. It faces constant criticism, constant evaluation. It will be afraid, indifferent, secretly resistant, consider itself inferior…

Everyone knows all of this. But everyone pretends not to know. After 7 years of consulting countless children/adults, I am sad to report that deep psychological traumas from childhood and school days do not disappear when we grow up, on the contrary, they affect the whole human life in all aspects: social relationships, career, joy of life, love, health, attitude towards nature and the environment…

Back to the story of why I don't like my child to be good at studying. Because I see through her motivation for studying. When she was little, her older sister was quite outstanding and when she went out, she was always haunted by people comparing her to her older sister and mother (this I really hate and always react strongly to). Even though her mother encouraged her, she still developed an inferiority complex that she was not as "pretty and good" as her older sister/mother.

Then she discovered that her sister was not good at school, especially math, so she unconsciously started a race to become the best in the family in a certain field. So she threw herself into studying like crazy to be "good at everything", even though she didn't like studying those things at all. Then gradually her grades became her "brand", she was proud of herself as a good student/good at sports, tall, beautiful, stylish...

I observed my daughter in her first year of high school. The signs of stress became clear and the signs of an inflated ego also appeared on my daughter who was once so innocent and lovely. I understood clearly that behind all that glitter, there was an unpredictable danger for her in the years to come, a psychological suffering that I never wanted my daughter to face.

That's why I spent a lot of time talking to my child about the meaning of studying, about living in this world, about the preciousness of time, health, intelligence, emotions... I once planned to let my child take a year off from school to regain balance.

There is nothing wrong with being a good student, but be careful of the pitfalls behind being a good student.

Raising children is not a matter of a few years, but raising children, have a vision for a lifetime.

The Ego will be your great friend, if it is the true Ego, not the Ego that is fed with the rubbish of false beliefs.