Rich and poor family meals reveal parenting failures

The article is the opinion of journalist and writer Wan Bi QingQing - author of famous books in China such as A Wonderful Life, Love the World Again.

A few days ago I went to a Western restaurant and happened to see two couples sitting at the next table, each with a 6-7 year old child. They were having dinner together.

Among them, there was a woman wearing famous branded gemstone jewelry. She talked to the family across from her about her recent trip to Europe, how many luxury items she bought, how many delicious dishes she ate.

The man beside him was also very pleased. "We will go everywhere in the world. Because our family has money." At this moment, the boy sitting between them who refused to eat suddenly became excited and said, "Our family has money!"

The couple sitting opposite had no chance to interject, their strange expressions occasionally going along with it. Until the rich couple finished speaking, the woman opposite couldn't help but sigh and say: "I really envy you, my family doesn't have the same conditions as yours."

The wife's words made the husband pale. His tone became awkward, and the two began to argue back and forth. The boastful couple quickly tried to calm them down. However, the atmosphere of the meal was ruined. The little girl sitting between the quarreling couple lowered her head and ate silently.

"Our family has money", this sentence is probably not strange because there are always a few rich people around us. The first time I heard this, it was at the age of 16, when I attended the best boarding high school in the district.

At that time, there was a girl in the class who was very popular, because her father was in the coal business. Every day she was taken to school in a luxury car and had bodyguards. Because she had money, whoever treated her well would get free meals and gifts. However, she was also very stubborn and often bullied her female classmates.

One time, she borrowed homework from a classmate but was refused. She got angry and used insulting swear words. Someone spoke for her. She hit the person on the head with a pencil case and shouted: "I want to find the mafia to kill you. My dad told me, my family is rich."

Not long after, the school expelled this rich girl for beating a girl due to a love dispute.

The day she left school, her family sent several luxury cars to pick her up. The whole school was curious to see that scene.

Looking back now, at the age of 16 she was still not truly mature, her words and actions were all a shadow of her parents.

Perhaps, in her family, we were always praised as "rich people", worshiped "money is omnipotent". That was what made the teenage girl arrogant, looking down on others. Later, her father's coal company failed. She did not study properly. Her marriage also fell apart early.

When a child is born, he is a blank sheet of paper. Children are a copy of their parents. In a western restaurant, if parents say without thinking, "Our family is rich," the children will become arrogant and defiant.

However, parents crying and complaining about poverty is also poison to their children.In that scene, the woman exuded a sense of failure, with a face full of resentment towards life and a husband full of shame. All of this was evident before the child’s eyes. Judging from their clothes, there was nothing like the woman’s “unable to live” talk. They might not be rich, they might have their own difficulties, but in front of their children, they intentionally or unconsciously showed off their poverty and inferiority. This type of parent tends to make their children sensitive and self-conscious.

Smart parents do not show off their wealth or complain about their poverty. Photo: Sohu

Fan Shengmei's mother in the hit TV series "Ode to Joy" is a typical person who complains about poverty. She is used to complaining about poverty to all her relatives and friends. So after growing up, Shengmei is naturally beautiful, but her personality is self-conscious, sensitive and insecure. Later, when she goes to the city to make a living, her mother also constantly complains about poverty to take advantage of her child, leading to Fan Shengmei losing herself to flashy things.

Being rich but cautious and reserved is the right path. Being poor but still need to be proper and have a bright heart. The ancients used to say:Poverty does not take root, wealth does not last forever. Only good deeds will bring blessings.

The wife of actor Liu Ye (actor of the movie "Golden Flower") can be considered a good model of parenting. She never introduced the concept of "we are rich people" to her children, never taught them about famous brands. When they participated in "Dad, where are we going?", the children wore old shoes and their words and actions were also very polite and well-mannered.

Most of us are born into ordinary families, with very little to show off. But at least we need to make sure we don’t complain about poverty. If parents love their children, they should think long-term for them, not just about the short-term gains and losses. Truly intelligent parents will never show off their wealth, nor will they complain about poverty too much.