To have full joy...

(Baonghean) - October comes with many emotions. In the cool breeze of late Autumn, walking on the streets filled with the scent of milk flowers, I see young couples holding hands and walking around looking for the most beautiful places to have romantic moments... Suddenly thinking about old weddings and relating them to modern weddings,... How can we make our weddings a day of love, so that the wedding season has complete joy?

Old wedding

Our generation belongs to the “old generation” – that is what Mr. Le Quyet Thang (60 years old this year) in hamlet 3, Hung Dao commune, Hung Nguyen said. He said that every time he was invited to a wedding, he missed the old weddings so much! At that time, in his hometown, there was a custom of receiving the bride in the evening, the elders believed that if the bride cried on the wedding day, she would not be embarrassed in front of her neighbors and friends. The wedding ceremony took place from early evening, followed by a sweet party with candy, green tea, cigarettes, betel and areca nuts… in the groom’s yard until around 9pm. The youth union often organized the borrowing of tables and chairs, covered the wedding tent, received guests, decorated the wedding bed… The family took care of cooking and shopping, with clear division of labor: the women prepared betel, the sisters and mothers went to the market, the elders directed to see what work had not been completed…

The young men were busy butchering pigs the previous afternoon to make them into ham, meatballs, etc. Each person had a hand, and the whole neighborhood was as happy as if it were Tet. Mrs. Vo Thi Hong (65 years old) in Nghi Phong, Nghi Loc said: Weddings in the past were really poor compared to now, but they were very happy and emotional. Mrs. Hong got married in 1977, when peace had just been restored. Mrs. Hong herself was a youth volunteer, then went to study at Hanoi University of Foreign Languages, so she got married and studied at the same time, so the wedding was held in the summer in her husband's hometown Nam Nghia (Nam Dan). Both families were poor, so almost everything was helped by the neighbors, relatives, and youth union. Even her wedding clothes were bought by the youth union. The wedding tent was made of colorful curtains mobilized by friends from families, the tables and chairs were also borrowed... there were not even wedding photos... Back then, weddings were not as crowded as they are now, so whoever was invited was very honored, just looking forward to the day to attend, sometimes even arriving early to chat with the family, so it was very warm and intimate.

Today's wedding

I had the opportunity to attend the wedding of a friend's son who is a leader in an industry. Reading the invitation, it clearly stated: Exactly 5 o'clock at the Festival Palace, and at 4:30 I was present at the location with the desire to meet some friends to sit together to be intimate. I thought I was too early, but when I arrived, I saw guests already standing in a circle, inside and outside, overflowing both ways. Exactly 5 o'clock, when the bride and groom had just entered the main ceremony room, everyone invited to the wedding jostled each other to choose a seat (if they were late, there would be no more seats), a bustling atmosphere completely different from the sacredness of the wedding day. The groom and the bride went to toast each table, but were bewildered because they didn't know whose friends those people were, who invited them... When I told this story, everyone said: weddings nowadays are like that, come and eat and then go home, as if they had just completed their duty.

Mr. Le Xuan Tam (Nam Xuan - Nam Dan), who just organized a wedding for his eldest son, who is also his only son, said: In Nam Xuan, weddings are considered a happy event of a lifetime, so people organize them very big: small families have 100 trays, large families have 150 - 200 trays. Depending on the circumstances and relationships of each family, people invite guests. Many families have organized a big party in the city, when they return to their hometown, it is called a party but they also prepare hundreds of trays. For example, in my hometown, there is a situation where the groom's family borrows the village's population list to write wedding invitations, to avoid missing anything! Some people joke that nowadays, weddings: "It is better to invite the wrong person than to miss anything"! Many times, receiving a wedding invitation is like "being invited". How funny!

That is the parents' idea, but what about the bride and groom? Nguyen Hoang Anh (in Hung Binh ward, Vinh city) booked Saigon - Kim Lien hotel as the venue for his happy day, saying: On the wedding day, my husband and I just want to take lots of photos, then go on a honeymoon trip, we don't pay much attention to inviting guests to order trays, this is usually decided by both parents. As for me, I still like simple, cozy weddings, where we can offer incense and flowers at the Square, then take photos with friends and family from both sides, then return to the hotel for a light meal (maybe just fruit, candy and some snacks) to melodious music. That's the best!

The bride and groom came to offer flowers at Ho Chi Minh Square (Vinh City).

Concerns

In recent times, many civilized wedding models following the new lifestyle have been implemented in the province, contributing positively to the building of cultural life in the community. However, these models are not many and the wedding following the new lifestyle has not received due attention. Some cadres, party members, civil servants, officials, and leaders at all levels lack exemplary conduct, and even organize ostentatious and wasteful weddings, causing negative public opinion. To overcome these limitations and shortcomings, and at the same time create a strong change in implementing a civilized lifestyle for weddings, on September 8, 2014, the Provincial Party Committee Standing Committee issued Official Dispatch No. 3456-CV/TU on strengthening leadership and direction in implementing a civilized lifestyle for weddings.

Implementing that document, in the past time, the Department of Culture, Sports and Tourism has coordinated with the Provincial Youth Union to implement weddings according to cultural lifestyle, in many forms such as: Beauty contests in wedding ceremonies, organizing model weddings... A wedding is considered civilized, solemn, economical is a wedding that should not invite too many people, increase the announcement of good news, only invite people who are truly attached and meaningful to the bride, groom and both families. Costumes are closely associated with national traditions. Besides, it is necessary to form new customs, new beauties such as: offering incense, offering flowers at memorial works, martyrs' cemeteries, offering flowers at cultural works...

In my opinion, marriage is a cultural beauty that needs to be adjusted to suit the conditions of each family and the development of civilized society, ensuring two principles: Respecting the law and conforming to the beautiful customs of the nation, avoiding excessive, hybrid, and vulgar forms.

Another wedding season has come, I think, before the wedding day, families should consider and calculate how to avoid gossip after the wedding day, because the most important thing is how to make the wedding a season of love, of beautiful memories, in everyone's life.

Thanh Hien