Don't let your child suffer because of 'father talking chicken, mother talking duck'

Parents who disagree on how to raise their children will have a negative impact on them. Photo: Internet

I don't know who to listen to.

Hoa An, 11 years old, Binh Thanh District, Ho Chi Minh City, resentfully said: "Every time I do math or write, I suffer. My mother told me that when I write, I copy exactly what the teacher shows me, but my father said that when studying literature, I have to be creative.

Then my parents argued with each other about how to educate me effectively. I was tired from going to school, but every day I had to try hard to please both my parents."

And little Anh Thu, 9 years old, Thu Duc District, Ho Chi Minh City complained: "My mother always taught me to study hard, speak politely, be polite, and respect others. But whenever my father is away, he yells at me and my mother as soon as he comes home, and even says he will let me quit school early so that the family won't have to suffer."

Family is the first "social environment" for children to receive moral standards and values, in which parents are the closest and most intimate people to children, directly influencing the formation of children's personality.

If parents are inconsistent, even contradictory in the way they educate their children, it will make children confused and embarrassed.

At first, children do not know who to listen to, do not know who to "follow". Over time, children will learn to adapt to the different behaviors and teaching styles of their father and mother.

Some children develop a coping mentality to suit each person's educational style, causing their personality to deviate during the process of development.

Sometimes children will lean towards one side - either the father or the mother, and not accept the teachings of the other, or even show contempt.

Need harmony

According to psychologists, children need to receive a harmonious and consistent education from their father and mother. They may differ in their methods of influence, but should not be too opposed in their educational goals.

Therefore, parents need to discuss and cooperate in the process of educating their children. It is best to have a consensus before influencing the children. Parents should promote their role as parents and nurturers so that children can absorb and behave accordingly.

Besides, discuss your problems in raising children with other experienced parents to learn parenting skills and how to handle difficult situations.

Parents can even meet with a child-rearing psychologist if they are not really in agreement on how to raise their children. Active support from an experienced person will help both parties recognize and understand the reasons for the disagreement, thereby finding ways to overcome it.

In addition, find ways to promote each person's strengths in raising children. For example, if the father is talented in sports, he should spend a lot of time instructing and training the child in the techniques and movements of some of the sports that the child loves.

On the contrary, mothers who are good at natural sciences or social sciences should try to stimulate their children and spend a lot of time influencing them and convincing them to understand, believe and find the truth. All parental influences are aimed at the comprehensive development of children's personalities.

The most important thing is to know how to listen and respect each other. In the family, it is inevitable that there will be conflicts of opinion between husband and wife. However, in educating children, parents need to discuss and agree with each other, know how to listen and respect each other, and children will suffer less because they do not know whether to follow their father or mother.

Parents should never use their children as "weapons" in their arguments. Give your children the opportunity to participate in their "internal" relationships.

Be tactful in teaching children that conflicts are inevitable in the family. It is important to show them that no matter how stressful the situation is, disagreements can be resolved and family affection is unchanging.

That will help children care for their relatives, be responsible for their family and be ready to act as a bridge to reconcile conflicts that occur in the family.