The burden of praise
Compliments are both a gift and a burden – this is true in most aspects of life. When receiving praise, the recipient not only feels joy but also anxiety, and the pressure to maintain their performance to live up to those compliments weighs heavily on their lives.
When writing about this, I'm reminded of the story of the women's corset. Before the 16th century, the corset – a garment that cinched the chest and waist – was invented, considered a breakthrough in fashion, creating the "hourglass" figure and showcasing the curves of the female body. From then until well past the 16th century, praise for full breasts and a "tiny" waist, considered the ideal female physique, never ceased.
Many women of that era wore corsets day and night – corsets shaped with wooden or metal boning – hoping to maintain a perfect appearance in the eyes of those around them, despite the immense pain and long-term health risks.
There's a famous painting depicting this: a woman in a corset leans against a wall, behind her three strong adults pull on the corset's cords, trying to tighten it as much as possible, while a few onlookers watch and applaud. To maintain the applause, the woman in the corset smiles, trying to forget the pain of broken bones and difficulty breathing.
In a liberal society, women are much luckier to be freed from many prejudices and outdated customs; in many aspects, gender equality is gradually being leveled. Nevertheless, there are still well-intentioned compliments that conceal invisible burdens, making it rare for women to truly live as themselves.
When we see a woman's success, we often praise her for being "good at both work and home." This means she must excel at her job and simultaneously manage countless household chores. A typical day for a woman who excels at both is busy from early morning until late at night: waking up early to cook breakfast for the family, taking the children to school, working diligently at the office, rushing to the market at lunchtime to buy food to cook at home, sometimes having to "give way" to unwashed laundry, unwashed dishes, or an unswept house...; the afternoon repeats the same cycle between work and home, and in the evening she patiently helps her children with homework and puts them to sleep... and only late at night does she have a little time to do her professional work.
A woman who is "two-talented" is someone who is good at everything, excels at everything, and accomplishes everything brilliantly. A woman who has a supportive and understanding husband is praised as "lucky" and "blessed"; if not, it's considered normal!
Having worked in journalism for over 10 years, I've interviewed many exemplary women who excel in both their professional and social lives, and I've realized that society is placing too much demand on them. In reality, the role of the primary breadwinner in the family is no longer solely the responsibility of men, but has shifted to women. However, despite being the family's breadwinner and busy with their work, many women still lack support and assistance from their husbands in household chores.
No matter how successful a woman is in her career, she cannot be considered a good woman if she doesn't fulfill her family responsibilities. Criticisms like, "What's the point of a woman who only cares about her work and doesn't pay any attention to her husband and children?" are common. Conversely, if a woman only focuses on housework and family care, becoming a full-time homemaker, she faces insults like, "She's a parasite!" Therefore, women must overcome numerous difficulties and pressures, both named and unnamed, to fulfill their social and family duties.
A study by the Institute of Labor and Social Sciences (Ministry of Labor, Invalids and Social Affairs) shows that women spend 105 minutes more per day, 12 hours per week, or 80 days per year, doing unpaid household care work than men!
Compliments are precious and important, but to some extent, they also create social stereotypes and prejudices that women must be a certain way to be considered good women. Recently, a satirical dialogue circulated on social media about a man choosing a wife, stating that his wife must be beautiful, intelligent, skillful, have a good job and income, be attentive to her husband and children, resourceful, capable, and adept at managing both domestic and external affairs.
That's right, sometimes, in certain places, the honoring and appreciation of women is just empty words, while in reality, the double burden of praise forces women to relentlessly race to be perfect in the eyes of society.
