Praising children is also a cause of pressure for children?

After many messy stories in the education sector, the case of a 10th grade male student in Ho Chi Minh City jumping off a building to commit suicide because he could not bear the pressure of studying made parents feel heartbroken, once again looking back at the invisible pressures that their children have to endure.

In fact, if parents do not know how to help their children relieve stress, it can lead to unpredictable consequences. Psychologist Dr. Tran Thanh Nam (University of Education, Vietnam National University, Hanoi) shared his thoughts on this issue.

Dr. of Psychology Tran Thanh Nam - University of Education, Vietnam National University, Hanoi. Photo: KT

PV: From the recent incident of a male student committing suicide due to too much pressure, what is your assessment of the invisible burdens that students today are having to endure?

Dr. Tran Thanh Nam:Every year, before major exams, many students are so stressed that they even end up in psychiatric hospitals or engage in self-harming behaviors such as suicide.

Academic pressure is not a new problem, but this phenomenon is repeated every year. Notably, harmful behaviors towards children are on the rise.

Previous studies on the rate of anxiety and depression among our students in some schools showed that up to 1/3 of students currently studying at all levels are at risk of depression. The more they study at a “Top” school, the more pressure, anxiety and depression they have.

According to the students, the main reason is due to grades or relationships. It could be relationships with teachers, teenage relationships. Besides, there is also the pressure of self-expression, pressure about issues on social networks...

The internet environment has a lot of false information about exams, but it makes students worried and confused about their position in society. All of this creates a general pressure on students, many of whom cannot bear it and will lead to self-destructive actions.

In the past, when living in a more traditional society, a child was supported psychologically by many networks. Of these, parents were just one, but there were also grandparents, relatives, and neighbors.

Nowadays, in an urbanized society, each family lives in a separate apartment, the main responsibility for educating children belongs to the parents. But parents themselves do not have time to talk to their children. Some parents are thoughtful, taking the initiative to spend time talking to their children in the evening, but after a few sentences, they are absorbed in their phones, computers...

Therefore, children today are increasingly lonely, without an environment to relieve stress.

PV: One of the factors that creates pressure for students that you just shared is grades. According to experts, what should parents do to help their children study well without having to endure much pressure?

Dr. Tran Thanh Nam:Many people say that I don't put any pressure on my children. But when they bring home scores of 9 or 10, my parents are excited, exempting me from the work I should have done, calling this person and that person to show off.

When the child gets a lower score, the parents' behavior is completely different. Some people tell the child to try harder, but their attitude is completely devoid of enthusiasm or joy. Thus, the child still understands that the parents' expectation is the score.
Besides, not only parents and teachers but also friends also put pressure on children. Students who study well will be admired by their classmates. Looking at those students, other students will see that the value of a student in the class is still academic achievement, thereby creating pressure for themselves.

In fact, parents cannot reduce the pressure on their children, but they can increase their inner strength. When faced with life's problems, if they are stronger, the problems will be reduced.

In particular, parents should help their children develop interest in a certain field in which they excel. Then, they will feel excited and study diligently without pressure on their mental health.

PV: At school age, children have a need to share, but sometimes the "out of sync" makes it difficult for parents to fully understand their children. Can you share a few things about the psychological characteristics of this age group so that parents can better understand their children's psychology?

Dr. Tran Thanh Nam:When they are in middle school and high school, entering puberty, they are often more sensitive to surrounding stimuli. At this age, they feel they have more energy, can do everything, but in reality their resources do not allow it. They tend to want to express themselves, want to do things that are challenging and adventurous.

During this time, children tend to separate from their parents because they have more friends. Some parents see this and start to lose interest in their children without knowing that this is the stage when children need the most psychological support.

In some families, if the relationship between parents and children is not good, parents' advice can sometimes be a trigger for children to do the opposite. Accompanying here does not mean that parents always give advice or criticize or impose on their children, asking them to do this or that. Instead, parents should have directions and give their children the right to make decisions.

Studies show that the more parents respect and listen to their children, and believe that they are responsible and capable of making decisions, the more likely the child is to consider their parents' thoughts.

PV: Thank you!/.