Life lessons learned after 30 years of graduation

She shared that although they all graduated from Harvard, and the name seemed to be the key to opening all doors for them, at the end of the day – or 30 years after graduation – the most interesting thing about this diverse reunion that she realized was: regardless of your educational background, income, skin color, religion, health issues, career or marital status, the common problems in each person's life had less to do with going to Harvard and more to do with urgent human problems.

This is not an exhaustive list, says Copaken, but a simple truth she realized after attending a reunion of the Harvard class of 1988 — 30 years after graduation:

1. No one's life ever turns out as planned, not even the most diligent planners.

2. People who become teachers or doctors seem to be happy with their career choice.

3. Many of you who are lawyers seem unhappy or eager to change, except for those who are law professors.

4. Almost all of you who are bankers or fund managers are looking for other ways to give away your wealth (some with specific plans, some without). At this point, many seem to want to leave Wall Street as soon as possible to pursue something related to art.

5. When it comes to art, people who choose this career are mostly happy and often successful, but in one way or another, they all struggle financially.

6. They say money can't buy happiness, but in an online survey of my class before the reunion, the wealthier people reported higher levels of happiness than the rest.

7. Our biggest wish, even more than sex and money, is to sleep more.

8. The shyest freshmen in class back then have now become the “ringleaders” of the class, and they are the ones who help organize this reunion.

9. People who choose divorce seem to be happier after the divorce.

10. People who have unwanted divorces are also unhappy after divorce.

11. Many people in long marriages say they hit a turning point. That’s when the initial marriage transitioned into a mature relationship. “I did the best I could,” a classmate told me about what she told her husband during the most intense marriage therapy session. From that moment on, she said, he understood: Her imperfections weren’t an insult to him. They made her who she was. Sometimes people forget that in a long marriage.

12. Almost all said they felt ashamed of their younger selves, especially about the way they judged others.

13. Almost all the married people left their spouses at home for this reunion.

14. No matter who we are – a congressman, a corporate executive or an astronaut, at the end of the day, most conversations at many parties center on the desire for love, comfort, intellectual stimulation, a sustainable environment, friendship and stability.

15. Most people who have children are happy with their decision. Some are happy without children; others are sad about not having children.

16. The lack of affordable childcare and paid maternity leave left many of my classmates struggling. Most of them were female.

17. At 50, people seem to feel the need to tell the truth and thank others before it's too late. A friend thanked me for something that happened in 1984.

18. People who have lost a child learn to move on. “Don’t be sad about the years she didn’t get to live,” a friend of mine said at a memorial service for her daughter, a Harvard class of 2019 who died last summer. “Instead, be grateful for the 21 years she had to shine.”

19. People who have been through a near-death experience—or are still facing one—seem happiest when they see old friends. “We’re still here together,” I told a friend who ran a health care company and then got cancer. We giggled and played like kids, hugging and laughing as we reminisced.

20. Love isn't everything you need, but as a friend told me, “it helps.”