Cultural features of the Khmu community - Part 1: Getting married means "promoting" the role of father

Editor's note: The life of a Khmu in western Nghe An, especially a man, from birth to death, is associated with many customs and rituals. Nghe An Newspaper would like to introduce these customs to readers through the topic: "Cultural features of the Khmu community".

According to old man Cut Van Dao in Ca Da village (Bao Thang - Ky Son): Once married, a man is considered an adult. For the Khmu people, getting married must go through many rituals. In addition to the dowry, they must also go through a series of quite interesting "procedures".

The Khmu people in Luong Minh (Tuong Duong) bring wedding cushions as gifts for the bride and groom.

The story of living with the wife's family and paying fines

Getting to the center of Bao Thang commune was difficult because of the long 29 km road from National Highway 7A through Chieu Luu commune and then Luong Minh commune (Tuong Duong) and to get to the house of old man Cut Van Dao was a real journey through the forest. The mountain slopes were steep and there were stretches that could only fit a motorbike wheel. The Party Secretary of Bao Thang commune, Moong Pho Hoan, said that Ca Da village, where Mr. Cut Van Dao lived, was not as remote as Xa Va village, the most remote area of ​​the commune. However, getting to Ca Da village was already a feat.

The small village is located under a densely forested mountain. We secretly praised old man Cut Van Dao for cleverly choosing a place to build his house right next to a stream that makes a babbling sound all day long, both pleasant to the ears and evoking a sense of leisure. Having retired as the Party Secretary of Bao Thang commune for ten years, old man Dao now chooses the profession of weaving, making rattan chairs to sell to the villagers and passersby. It is said that his hands are still being polished to make them less sad.

Seeing us coming to his house, old Dao stopped pouring water boiled from a forest tree to drink to strengthen bones and invite guests. We asked about the customs and practices of the Khmu people, and his calm, old eyes seemed to light up. He said: "It's been a long time since someone came to ask about the Khmu people and had the opportunity to share, I'm very happy." Then he began the story.

The customs of the Khmu people are closely linked to the life of a man. Telling the story of a man's life will tell all the customs of the Khmu people. When a man gets married, he is no longer a child but an adult, and is naturally considered a man. Therefore, the story of a man's life begins from the day he asks for his wife's hand in marriage.

For those who live in stilt houses, the wedding customs are the same, whether it is the Thai or the Khmu. A man can find a wife himself or his parents can arrange it for him, but both parts are still decided by the son, the parents' will is only one part. Before the wedding, there must be two engagements. Like the people in the lowlands, when asking for a wife, you must have areca and betel. In addition, there is chay tree bark, which the highlanders still use to chew betel. Each item has a quantity of 20: 20 pieces of dried areca nut cut into four, 20 betel leaves and 20 pieces of chay tree bark about two spans long. In addition to betel and areca, nowadays in the village people bring a set of clothes as traditional costumes. In the past, it was more expensive, people brought a pair of silver bracelets, a pair of gold earrings, 2 silver coins, shirts, wine, scarves... In general, everything had to be a pair.

After the engagement, the son will start living with his wife's family. Usually, it is half a year, sometimes 3 years. When the groom's family has enough money to hold the wedding, they will stop. There are also people who do not have money to hold the wedding, so they stay with their wife's family until their parents-in-law let them live on their own. The gifts at the wedding are meant to be a guarantee. If during the time living with his wife due to some conflict, the groom abandons the bride, he will lose all the gifts he brought to the bride's family when they held the engagement. Not only that, the groom's family will also be fined 2 silver bracelets, a pair of earrings, 2 silver coins, the amount of rice wine, chickens and pigs must be equal to the amount of gifts the groom's family brought. On the contrary, if the bride abandons her husband, she will have to pay back double the amount of gifts the groom's family brought.

After getting married, he calls himself "father"

Like the Thai people, when asking for a wife or getting married, the matchmaker is the leader, representing the son's parents to find a wife for their son. There is a difference that while the Thai people only have one pair of matchmakers, the Khmu people have two pairs of matchmakers, in which the secondary matchmaker has the responsibility of supporting the main matchmaker in the wedding when talking or receiving guests. The most important moment is also decided by the matchmaker, which is the time to take the bride. When the auspicious time comes, the matchmaker will urge everyone in the groom's family to stop eating and drinking to welcome the bride. When preparing to go to the husband's house, the bride will take the rattan chair she just sat on. At this time, the bride will be led down the stairs by the matchmaker to start going to the husband's house as a bride. The groom will follow behind, holding two wine straws. One straw has a silver ring hanging on it. That is something the bride's parents prepared for their son-in-law. Nowadays, many villages have abandoned the custom of hanging a silver ring on the end of the wine straw. According to custom, this is the “payment” for the groom to take care of his parents-in-law when they are old. When the parents-in-law pass away and the groom cannot return in time, he must pass this silver bracelet to the person who took care of his parents-in-law in their final moments.

Like the Thai community, the Khmu people in Bao Thang also have the custom of washing the bride’s feet when she enters her husband’s house. After the bride enters the house, a chicken’s beak will be cut off to let its blood drip onto the couple’s knees. People will look at the drops of blood on the couple’s knees to know their future. If the drops of blood clot into large drops, their business will be favorable in the future, but if the drops of blood split into two or three different streams, it is not good.

Early the next morning, the newlyweds will go down to the stream together to catch crabs. This is also another ritual in the Khmu wedding customs, said Cut Van Dao. The two will try to find a few crabs. Then, they will bring them to a body of water on the stream and release them. If the crab just drifts away with the current, that is something no couple wants. What they want is for the crab to find a hole in the rock and crawl into it. People think that this symbolizes a family where both husband and wife are diligent in making a living and building a family together.

Another ritual in the Khmu wedding is to get rid of the bad luck that the bride is carrying. The bride will wear two dresses, one inside and one outside. The matchmaker will lead the bride to the village entrance to take off the outer dress and throw it away before returning home. It is believed that doing so will get rid of the bad luck.

A week later, the couple brought the wine tap with two silver rings attached to it during the wedding to return it to the bride's family. This custom is somewhat similar to the "lai mat" custom of the Kinh people, however, according to the Khmu people's concept, this is to show the groom's respect and gratitude to the person who gave birth to his wife.

After the wedding, the Khmu groom has the right to call himself “giông” (father, father - Khmu language). This is the way for men to affirm their position in the family and society.

(To be continued)

Huu Vi - Dao Tho