Fear and Courage

(Baonghean) - My father is a surgeon - often has to perform surgeries, is familiar with knives, scissors, needles... Since I was a little kid, I often "threaten" when being bullied or having my toys snatched at kindergarten: "Do you want me to tell dad so he can come give you painful injections?". All children are afraid of doctors giving injections, so they all kept quiet, looking at me with awe.

But I was extremely afraid of injections, afraid of seeing blood. When I was in elementary school, once the whole school went to get a measles booster shot at the ward health station. No one in the class cried, except me. As a result, my friends gathered around to tease me: "A doctor's child is afraid of injections, what do you think!". I was so angry that I cried, and when I went home to tell my father, he patted my head and said: "Who said a doctor's child can't be afraid of injections? No one likes things that hurt them, even doctors. But no matter how afraid you are, there are things you still have to do, and the important thing is whether you can do it or not." When I calmed down a bit, my father added: "Why don't I give you a few more injections, I guarantee you won't be afraid anymore!". My face turned pale, and I burst into tears again, causing the whole family to laugh at me!

In secondary school, in the biology practice, I had to dissect a fish and experiment on the frog's nervous system. Looking at the living animal struggling in front of my eyes, my hands were shaking. My friends in the practice group, who had placed all their hopes on me because I was "a doctor's child", were impatiently urging me to quickly dissect it so I could make it to class. I sobbed, closed my eyes and stabbed the knife into the fish's belly. As soon as I saw blood gushing out, my gloves were red, my face turned green, I felt dizzy and then saw black. I woke up to find myself in the school infirmary, with my father holding my hand and asking in a half-worried, half-amused voice: "Thank goodness you're awake, quickly get up and dissect it so the fish can be reborn!" My friends peeked in from the door, holding a tray of the yawning fish. I was so scared that I screamed: "No dissect, no dissect, hu hu...".

In general, the anecdotes about me and the story of needles and knives during my school years were so many that both my parents came to the conclusion: in the future, I can study any major or do any job, as long as I don't become a doctor. My father's original words were: "If you become a doctor, and suddenly faint during surgery, the patient will have to jump up from the operating table and shake the doctor awake!". My face turned red and I argued back: "I'm not afraid, I don't understand. Not everyone is like me, seeing blood, seeing needles and still being calm...". My father looked at me thoughtfully and lowered his voice: "Why aren't you afraid? Doctors and patients are inherently equal, they are also human. Doctors are not saints or have any supernatural powers, son? When touching the flesh and blood of a patient, how can I not shudder at the thought that what I am touching and cutting is similar to my own flesh and blood.

That is the very basic, very primitive fear of mankind. Pain and illness are natural things of creation that we cannot resist. Even though we know that, how can we not be weak and afraid? Besides that fear, there is another fear that doctors have to face. That is, can they fulfill their responsibility, can they save the patient? It is not only the pressure from the patient and family, but also the pressure from the doctor himself. Witnessing the last weak breaths and heartbeats of a person, it is the feeling of helplessness when seeing hope and good things slip away from your reach. That is what doctors must prepare themselves to face, it is the fear and also the motivation that urges them to try harder, to hold on to hope in this world. Are you afraid, Dad? Yes, Dad is always afraid. But admitting your fear is never a shameful thing. Courage does not mean doing difficult, dangerous things without fear, without doubt. Courage is overcoming weakness, even that very obvious, very human fear, to do what is right and what your heart tells you to do. So, my child, are you ready to face your fear?

Hai Trieu