Why do parents have to get 9 or 10 points to feel secure?

Illustration: NOP

Please understand that the loneliness, confusion and fear of a child when they do not please their parents is terrible. Whether the child is good or not, they are still priceless assets to their parents. Why do parents always assume that their child must be good, must get 9 or 10 to feel secure?

Thanh Mai

I read the newspapers and look around and see so many stories of pressure on studying coming from parents. I really sympathize with our children in those situations.

Children fear "the lamentation epic"

Too many parents have high expectations for their children, with a burning desire for their children to be good, the better the better, and to always get 9 or 10 points on tests and exams for them to be satisfied.

Children being selected to compete in competitions at all levels is a source of pride not only for parents but also for teachers and schools. Therefore, children only need to study well.

Studying, taking exams, and getting grades become children's nightmares. The worst thing is having to face the "long song of lamentation", sadness, and disappointment from parents: Why didn't I get 9 or 10?

Not only middle and high school students have to compete with exams, with specialized schools and selective classes, but even children preparing to enter first grade have to work hard to learn letters, numbers, and English.

Parents work hard to find the best teachers in the school to entrust their children to. Their children's excellent grades make them proud; their health and well-being are secondary.

Good student but failed university entrance exam twice

I had achieved many achievements during my school years: first prize in the provincial literature competition for grade 5, consolation prize in the national literature competition for grade 9, and was directly admitted to grade 10 of the province's specialized school. Friends admired me, teachers loved me, and parents were proud.

But the shock of my life came: in high school, I went from the countryside to the city to study, I became so depressed that I gave up everything, no longer had any interest in studying and asked to transfer back to the countryside to study. I had days of severe crisis when people avoided me, looked down on me, pitied me because they didn't know why I ended up like this.

Of course, I failed the university entrance exam for two consecutive years and decided to switch to vocational school, much to the surprise and astonishment of my friends. I burned all my university entrance exam preparation books, I would take another path to put my mind at ease.

Having gone through all the stages of student life, from being a national excellent student to a champion student who had to retake the exam when going to secondary school, I understand the current state of my children. When I had children, I determined that the painful lessons of my school life would never be repeated in my children.

I don't want my children to just bury their heads in studying like "bookworms", being ignorant of everything around them like "industrial chickens". That's the image of me in the past and just being good at studying will make you "completely shocked" when you step into life away from home.

I kept the fact that I was a national excellent student hidden from my children. My children, the older one in 5th grade and the younger one in 1st grade, did not go to extra classes. I tutored them at home and guided them through difficult lessons. Even if the advanced homework was too difficult, I told them to just skip it and wait until the teacher explained it in class.

On days off, my children only need to study for 1-2 hours, and the rest of the time they can play, read stories, run around, and play with their friends in the neighborhood. The most important thing to me is that they grow up healthy, enjoy going to school, have many friends, and know how to do housework.

10 year old boy can carry paper to go to market

My son was an average student but still achieved excellent results for several years but he never participated in any competitions, not even the Golden Bell competition in his grade. I taught him to do housework, to cook and other practical skills. When I was sick, I could rest assured that my 10-year-old son would take a piece of paper to the market to buy food for his mother.

I just want my child to have a truly innocent childhood, not to be buried in studying all day. Perhaps the painful failures at school have helped me understand that parents should accompany their children, not force them to study and study.

Please understand that the loneliness, confusion and fear of a child when they do not please their parents is terrible. Whether the child is good or not, they are still priceless assets to their parents. Why do parents always assume that their child must be good, must get 9 or 10 to feel satisfied?

I always look at my children's abilities to understand that they have tried very hard to reach this level and deserve to be praised and encouraged by their parents. Tomorrow is their semester exam, so they can't skip taking out the trash and washing the dishes every day. If they are tired and ask their mother to help, I will make an agreement that after the exam, they must do double the work to make up for it.

I think besides studying at school, the most important thing is that children must be trained to be independent. Having achievements but no friends and not knowing how to do housework is very harmful...

I choose "peace" like that and feel satisfied when my child is innocent.