If you love your children, never say or do these things to them.

As parents, if you want your children to develop comprehensively and healthily, avoid saying these things in front of them whether they are children or adults.

Those are the blades that leave wounds that never heal, making the child's soul become disabled.

1. Words without love or meaning

Many Vietnamese parents, when angry, often say extremely cruel things to their children like, "You're a bastard, so you'll have to beg in the future!", "If I knew you were like that, I would have pinched your nose when I was born!", "I don't have a child like you!", "I'd rather give birth to chicken eggs or duck eggs that can be sold!"

I really don’t understand what their purpose is when they say these things? To vent their anger and then let the child feel miserable and humiliated? Or to prove that as parents, they can scold their children however they want?

Such words will make the child more and more stubborn and unruly.

2. "Other people's children..."

This sentence is so famous that it has been used in some Doraemon parodies on Facebook in recent years. If the “other person’s child” is the child’s friend, the friendship between the two children will be unintentionally damaged by adults. This will lead to hidden jealousy and envy.

3. You are number one

In contrast to parents who always abuse their children are parents who always consider their children inviolable.

If your child trips, teach him to walk carefully, don't blame the ground or his shoes. If your child fights, don't rush to defend him, but see who is right and who is wrong, and teach him to apologize if he is the one who started the trouble.

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4. Lying

Parents often promise to buy gifts or take their children out on the weekend if they want their children to stop crying or making trouble if they are good. But when the children repeat their promise, the parents find ways to avoid it, change the subject, or scold them.

Equally bad is when parents teach their children to lie. Like, “If mom asks where dad is going, say you don’t know. Don’t say the uncles came over to invite dad out drinking,” or “If dad asks how much this is, say it’s really cheap.”

If parents have taught their children like that since they were young, then they should never scold their children saying, “We never thought you would lie like Cuoi!” That is the product of their education and the parents are the ones who directly benefit from it.

5. Your father is like this, your mother is like that...

Not all marriages are happy, however, if you have chosen the wrong person to marry, or have ruined your own marriage, then never raise your children to hate their parents.

A child, when he grows up, has the right to know the truth about his parents, and the right to choose whether or not to recognize the other parent. But he is not a tool for revenge or to vent anger for mistakes he did not make.

6. Tell your children about your achievements

I have seen how cyclo drivers, garbage collectors... sacrifice for their children to study and become successful people. It is sweat, tears and blood. But they never tell their children about their hardships.

My mother-in-law is a woman whom I greatly respect. When my wife and her brother were young, she did all kinds of hard jobs, even without her husband, to raise her two children to be educated. But she never complained about all her sufferings in front of her children.

Parents have the duty to raise their children until adulthood, it is a duty prescribed by law and required by morality. If you think raising a child is too difficult and expensive, it is best not to have a child. A child never wants to be born and hear parents tell how hard it was to raise it.

7. Before, I wanted to become… but I couldn't, now you have to…

There are parents who raise their children as a copy of themselves and push them to do what they could not do, regardless of their child's talent or interest.

There are also people who force their children to choose a career that makes a lot of money and is easy to advance so that they can be proud in front of their neighbors.

Remember that your child is a separate entity, with his own thoughts, personality, and strengths and weaknesses. Let him be who he is, don't mold him.

8. I will die to satisfy you

“If you don’t listen to me, I’ll die to satisfy you!” This sentence is not uncommon in Vietnamese families. Every time I read about young couples committing suicide together in motels, the first people I blame are their parents.

Personally, I have two unforgettable traumas. When I was in 8th grade, I followed my father to his house to meet his half-brother and his second wife. My mother found out. She brought a knife and placed it in front of me, saying: “Let me stab you to death and then I will kill myself!” That time, I was so scared that I almost fainted.

The second time was when I failed the entrance exam to the university my mother wanted. My mother brought a knife and sleeping pills and put them in front of me and said: “You choose one, and leave the other to me!” Those things caused me to suffer from severe depression later on and it took me a lot of suffering to overcome it. But thinking back on it still gives me chills.

9. Words of contempt for others

“Are you not going to eat? That guy will eat your toys!”, “If you leave your toys lying around like that, the neighborhood kids will steal them!”, “If you don’t study properly, you’ll end up taking out the trash, riding a cyclo, or sweeping the streets!” or “Don’t play with poor kids, they’ll teach you bad things!”…

A cyclo driver or garbage collector if he does his job well and has self-respect and dignity!

10. I wasted my time educating you just so you can talk back to me.

Many people say that the Vietnamese culture of debate is very poor. The culture of debate has been "killed" right from the moment children want to debate frankly with their parents by sayings like: "I raised you to be educated and successful so now you can argue with me!" or "How can you wear clothes that go over your head?" or "Now that you've grown up and have wings, you don't consider us old people anymore, right?"...

It is the adults who use their parental authority to oppress their children that will cause them to grow up to be cowardly and submit to all kinds of authority even though they know what is right.

Strictly prohibiting children from arguing with their parents will lead to an obvious consequence: they will say yes, but behind their backs, their children will do things that when their parents know the consequences, it will be too late to regret. Therefore, parents should give their children the right to argue and express their own opinions.

According to Women and Family