From the story of student suicide: Teach adults before teaching children

Dr. Nguyen Tung Lam: We have too much academic knowledge but lack practical experience in teaching children...

“Give children back their childhood”

“Miss, I’m so useless, I want to run away from home…” – this was a phone call to the counseling hotline of the Center for Research and Application of Gender Sciences (CSAGA). When the counselor shared, from the other end of the line, the girl said that she was in 4th grade, and today, because she didn’t turn on the “red” button while cooking rice, her father scolded her, saying that she was already 10 years old and couldn’t do even the smallest thing properly.

Ms. Nguyen Van Anh, Director of CSAGA, shared the above story with VOV reporters and said that the rate of teenagers calling the CSAGA hotline accounts for about 75% of the total calls with many issues that need advice and support. "Just a small behavior of children, if not promptly resolved by responsible adults, can lead to serious consequences, even children are willing to seek death," Ms. Van Anh said.

Ms. Nguyen Van Anh (right), Dr. Nguyen Tung Lam in an interview with the Social Issues Program (VOV2)

In the face of recent shocking student suicides, Ms. Van Anh said that while in other countries, suicide has become a national issue because it is one of the 10 leading causes of death in the world, in our country, this issue is almost left unaddressed. It is time for society to face the truth, when education on life skills, skills to respond to social phenomena - which are very complicated - and education on ideals for children... are not really taken seriously by society.

“When children do not grasp the basic solution, which is normal for adults, then with their impulsiveness and naivety, they will get stuck and seek negative solutions,” said Ms. Van Anh.

Dr. Nguyen Tung Lam, Chairman of the Hanoi Educational Psychology Association and Principal of Dinh Tien Hoang High School, said that we have a lot of “excess” and a lot of “lack”. The “excess” is the academic knowledge that schools are trying to cram into students, while there is a “lack” of vivid practical knowledge that happens every day. “Teachers and students are still working hard to learn outdated knowledge that is not applicable, while we lack listening, sharing, and respect for children; we lack time to let children experience life from many sources, especially from reality, nature, trees, flowers and leaves…”, Dr. Lam shared.

Experts also believe that family, school, and social factors also put great pressure on children. In reality, in many big cities, children are "crazy" about studying all day, with no time for entertainment or relaxation with healthy, intellectual games. Many parents are busy making money, have no time to take care of and be close to their children, and even think about giving their children a full material life, forgetting the important thing of giving their children a spiritual life. At this time, children are "grown up but not wise", although on the outside they want to prove their "ego" to their parents, but in reality they really need support from their families.

Adults need to learn to understand children

Dr. Nguyen Kim Quy, consultant for the child support and counseling hotline (Child Protection Department, Ministry of Labor, Invalids and Social Affairs) emphasized: When adults are "shocked" by the heartbreaking deaths of children, it means that adults do not understand children. According to Dr. Quy, at this age, children are very sensitive, vulnerable, have high self-esteem and self-esteem; their awareness of social issues is not deep, so they often resist and have conflicts with adults. When they discover their own shortcomings, they are easily disappointed and find it difficult to accept the rejection and criticism of others, so they feel stuck and easily seek the final escape, which is death.

“In Vietnam, there is no way to “teach” parents how to raise their children. Children are taught by “looking at the people who came before”, while children’s psychology changes over time, so parents cannot apply the “older generation” way of raising their children, because each era is different”, Dr. Quy shared.

According to Dr. Nguyen Tung Lam, schools currently focus on teaching academic knowledge and neglect teaching “how to be a person”, especially lacking in providing life skills for children. Currently, psychology departments of pedagogical colleges have included the subject of School Psychology in their curriculum, however, how to apply it in life is the important thing.

Dr. Nguyen Kim Quy recommends: “Every year, after each university entrance exam, there are cases of student suicide. Therefore, to avoid this situation, parents should not put too much pressure on their children. Encourage children to study to the maximum extent possible; regularly talk and share with children as friends, and provide career guidance for children. Teachers should also not teach in a forced, cramming way, because if students study too much, they will easily become depressed and the gap between depression and suicide is very fragile.”

According to VOV