Wife abuses husband: What are the causes?

There are many causes, but according to assessments by psychologists and the latest surveys by sociologists, all cases of violence by wives against their husbands originate from violence by the men.

Shocking incidents

Public opinion has recently been shocked by the brutal murders of husbands in provinces such as Thai Nguyen and Binh Duong. A common thread is that after being arrested, the perpetrators confessed that the victim had initially attempted to attack them, and in the struggle, they accidentally killed the victim; or that the accumulated resentment from previous domestic violence by their husbands led to the "last straw," causing them to lose control and murder the man they had shared their lives with for so many years.

Defendant Lo Thi Dong (Nghia Lac commune, Nghia Dan district) was sentenced to 60 months in prison for intentionally inflicting injury on her husband. Photo: Internet

Meanwhile, in Nghe An province, in September 2016, the case of Mong Me Phia in Bao Thang commune (Ky Son district) who beat her husband to death with a pestle and then tried to stage a fake crime scene to deceive authorities was another shocking case of husband-murder that rocked the poor mountainous community in Ky Son district in particular and society in general, because before that, Phia was a gentle woman who always endured unwarranted beatings from her husband.

In her statement to the authorities, Phia recounted: "He never left me alone; if he wasn't physically abusing me, he was finding ways to inflict mental and sexual abuse... Before he killed me, he chased me with an axe and threatened to kill me. After escaping the axe from his hand, I was so overwhelmed with anger that I lost control of my actions and ended up killing him..."

In her testimony before the court, defendant Lo Thi Dong stated: "For over a decade of living together, my husband never treated me kindly. I always lived in a state of anxiety and panic, fearing that he would beat and abuse me in various ways."

In her indictment, Dong recounted the incident, stating that she was so outraged by her husband's bizarre sexual demands in the middle of a cornfield that she beat him unconscious. Afterward, believing he was dead, she dragged him to the road to create a false crime scene.

According to a report by the Department of Culture and Sports, in 2017, Nghe An province recorded 601 cases of domestic violence, including 58 cases of wives abusing their husbands. The localities with the highest number of cases of wives abusing their husbands were Ky Son (21/81 cases), Anh Son (17/59 cases), and Dien Chau (5/21 cases). Of the 601 cases of domestic violence, 322 involved physical abuse; 232 involved psychological abuse; and 46 involved economic abuse. Among these, 58 victims were male and 54 were female.

Is it his fault or hers?

These are cases of wives abusing their husbands, leading to serious consequences and the wives facing imprisonment and serving prison sentences; bringing shame to their husbands' families and children, and even to themselves, because of their cruel actions. In reality, there are many cases of domestic violence that are only known to neighbors, neighborhood groups, or even just close relatives like children, parents, and siblings. To pinpoint the root cause, almost all mediation groups in areas with many domestic violence cases believe that the fault lies with the husband.

Mr. Nguyen Sy Tuong, Head of the Culture Department of Anh Son District – a locality recorded as having 50 cases of domestic violence in 2017 – said: “According to reports from community mediation officers in the district, many family conflicts stem from the husband having had extramarital affairs and then mistreating his wife at home. The wife, unwilling to accept her husband's unwarranted verbal abuse or physical violence, argues loudly; or in some cases, the husband frequently drinks excessively, causing the wives to react in resistance…”

According to Mr. Tuong, there were 50 cases of domestic violence in the district, including 22 cases of psychological abuse and 17 cases of physical abuse, but female perpetrators accounted for nearly one-third of them.

A theatrical performance competition promoting the prevention and control of domestic violence among women in Linh Son commune (Anh Son district). Photo: Thanh Nga

Regarding this, Mr. Truong stated: "The cases that have been documented are those where the victims have 'revealed their private lives,' meaning the victims themselves have spoken out and sought advice; at the same time, these are also cases with a negative outlook, difficult to reconcile, yet it is very difficult to pinpoint who is the domestic abuser. There are cases that have lasted for decades, now the husband and wife no longer speak to each other, whenever they meet they fight and curse, the wife doesn't let the husband into the house, the husband doesn't accept the wife but doesn't divorce. Or there are cases where the husband has an extramarital affair but frequently claims that the wife is the one causing discord in the family, making the wife resentful, from which she becomes irritable, unwarrantedly angry with her husband and children, and commits violence against her husband."

This was noted by the neighborhood group in Hamlet 8, Linh Son Commune, as this hamlet has mediated many difficult cases. The head of the neighborhood group in Hamlet 8 reported: In one case, the wife complained of frequently experiencing domestic discord, but when directly mediated, the husband claimed that he was the victim.

Ms. Nguyen Thi Hoa, Chairwoman of the Women's Association of Linh Son commune, said: "In Linh Son commune, there are 14 reliable addresses ready to receive people's concerns and provide advice, but we rarely receive voluntary requests for advice from husbands." According to members of the Family Affairs Steering Committee of Anh Son district, cases of domestic violence where the victim is male are very rare; the cases where women are the perpetrators are actually just spontaneous incidents.

At the provincial steering committee meeting on family affairs, several members raised the issue: In modern society, domestic violence is not only attributed to men; in reality, in many families, women are the root cause. Many women unknowingly inflict psychological abuse on their husbands, such as through overly strict financial management or blind jealousy. However, accurately identifying the causes of domestic violence perpetrated by women remains a subject of much debate.

Ms. Le Thi Nguyet, Head of the Child Care and Gender Equality Department of the Department of Labor, War Invalids and Social Affairs, stated: “In reality, detecting and compiling statistics on domestic violence cases still faces many difficulties, and the statistics are incomplete and inaccurate. Coordination between departments, agencies, and organizations is not yet tight, and various levels of government have not truly engaged in handling domestic violence cases. Therefore, in some cases of domestic violence, if the victim is male, the authorities conclude that the female perpetrator is the abuser, without considering the entire period of cohabitation; or in many cases where the female is the root cause, due to a lack of understanding, she is unaware that she is the perpetrator. Simply put, domestic violence cases are often kept secret, and only close relatives know the truth.”