School discipline: Strict or flexible?

Following a heartfelt letter from a parent about a private school, where "smiles hadn't faded, but tears were already falling," online parenting forums have been abuzz with debates over whether or not to apply strict, even harsh, disciplinary methods to our children.

When performance reviews are as numerous as butterflies.

Throughout my 11 years of high school (under the old system), I only had a few years where my homeroom teacher was understanding. In the other years, I was always the owner of a "collection" of disciplinary reports, mostly for trivial and minor offenses. There were so many reports that my mother, also a teacher, complained, "Teachers who constantly harass students and their parents with disciplinary reports are helpless and will eventually become complacent about them."

Decades after graduating, I met my high school teacher again and frankly told him that the strict teaching methods he had applied to us were no longer suitable, and that "students today wouldn't tolerate that approach..." But he still maintained his old viewpoint, arguing, "If I hadn't applied those methods, how could you all have achieved the success you have today?"

Hearing that, I understood and felt sorry, because the teacher still couldn't guide his students to a happy life, as he still judged success based on social status and the amount of money his students earned.

We must accept the reality that in this era of a "flat world" and the explosion of media, with social networks permeating every corner, authoritarian and even harsh educational methods are certainly no longer suitable. If students are too afraid to share or confide in adults about anything, they can seek empathy on social media. This does more harm than good, because if we adults are still full of biases, prejudices, and anger, how can children who are still too young and inexperienced handle such situations wisely?

On the other hand, overly rigid and formal education can also rob students of the space to be creative, flexible, to express their opinions, perspectives, personalities, and self-confidence—qualities that are essential in today's volatile world.

This reminds me of the once-famous and controversial "Tiger Mom" ​​case, who achieved "successful" results raising her children through harsh parenting methods. From a personal perspective, I disagree with that approach: life and society aren't always about struggle; there are so many beautiful things to live for and to love.

Ultimately, regardless of the educational approach chosen, what we desire is for our children to be happy: from their early childhood, living in the family, and learning in school.

Choosing the right educational approach for their children is always a major concern for parents. (Illustration: Tien Phong newspaper)

Between "strictness" and "leniency"

However, it must be said that schools must have discipline, and pressure, if applied correctly, can become a driving force for children to grow and develop their full potential. A parent whose child attended a private primary school once confided in me: "I decided to withdraw my child from that school when they reach 6th grade, partly because the students there are too undisciplined. I don't know how the school manages things, whether the teachers are threatened with dismissal or if it's due to a flawed educational philosophy that makes them afraid of students, leading to students becoming unruly and very misbehaving."

Recently, through participating in several parenting groups, I've noticed that each parenting model has its own advantages and disadvantages. Some children are spoiled too much, becoming undisciplined and always acting out of order. Others are subjected to overly strict regimes, turning them into robots who can't express themselves, lacking initiative and creativity in anything.

Looking back at my son's five years of elementary school, I realize that in years when the teacher was kind, the children were very happy, but she often struggled to handle serious problems. In years when the teacher was too strict, serious problems occurred more frequently, and due to her rigidity, she didn't always handle them effectively. Only teachers who could strike a good balance between gentleness and strictness truly achieved positive results for the class.

Take my son's homeroom teacher, for example. She recognizes that some students are more energetic than others, their "innate talents" are more apparent, leading to behaviors like hyperactivity, mischief, and unrestrained speech. In her teaching career, she's observed that such students are more likely to succeed later in life, especially in professions requiring language skills like hosting or journalism. Therefore, she always tries to find a balanced and holistic approach to dealing with them.

That's certainly not easy. Drawing a line between "strictness" and "leniency," even for those who call themselves "educators"—that is, those who run private schools—is difficult. It's difficult, but one thing we must do is establish fairness. To instill discipline in the students, the teachers themselves must also adhere to discipline, integrity, and set a good example; otherwise, all their teachings and rules become meaningless.

Establishing fairness is also necessary within each family. Over the past few days, following the debates surrounding private schools, I've been frightened by how many parents are reacting to this "education issue" with extremely vulgar and, one might even say, obscene language.

I keep wondering what we expect from our children when we ourselves can't control our own behavior. Surely we don't want to see them become as vulgar and rude as we are. Such behavior is unfair: demanding purity from others while we ourselves are corrupt.

According to Vietnamnet