I lost my home after a family meeting to teach my wife

Mr. Thanh and his wife (Hai Duong city) are completing divorce procedures, although they still love each other and really want to keep their family. But after the meeting to criticize his wife that he arranged, Mr. Thanh had no choice but to break up because his wife avoided meeting him and the two families swore not to see each other. The article below shares the regret of this 31-year-old father of one:

I am the director of a small company founded by my family. My wife sells products online but has been working since she was heavily pregnant until now - when the child is over a year old. In recent months, my wifeI was often grumpy and grumpy. When I came home from work, I just rested and watched TV for a bit, then she blamed me for being lazy, selfish, not caring about the family, and not helping with anything. My wife repeated that song every day, making me frustrated and not wanting to go home, so sometimes I stayed late at the company or went out for a few beers with friends. The more it was like that, the angrier she got and talked more, sometimes even screaming and crying and asking for a divorce.

The third time my wife mentioned breaking up, I was so angry that I called both sets of parents to a family meeting to get their opinions. Obviously, she didn't think much of me and didn't need this family, so she wanted to leave her husband so easily.

But I didn't expect things to get so tense and go too far. During that meeting, when they heard about their daughter's mistakes, my wife's parents got angry, saying that she had been a good girl all these years at home, how could she be so rude and misbehave with anyone. My parents were also angry when they saw that, thinking that the in-laws were criticizing their family for not treating them well and falsely accusing their daughter-in-law. Both sides attacked, banged on the table, hit the chair, pointed at each other and cursed. My wife covered her face and cried, I was so scared that I could only sit quietly in a corner, not daring to say anything. At the end of that day, my wife's parents dragged their daughter into the car to go home, my family wanted to keep the baby boy but in the end they had to let him go with his mother because he was still breastfeeding.

After that day, I felt regretful, I texted and called my wife but she didn't answer. My parents were furious, saying that my in-laws were worthless. When I tried to say a few words to defend her and was about to go pick her up, my mother declared:"I will never accept her as my daughter-in-law again. If you try to take her back, from now on don't look at your mother and don't hope to get any money from this house."

I know my mother's personality, she does what she says. Having been in business for decades, she is very determined. My company was all funded by my mother's money. My car was also bought by my mother. I dare not disobey her. Moreover, my wife does not want to go back. One time I secretly went to my parents' house but my wife's parents did not even invite me in. My wife brought the baby out and immediately handed me the divorce papers.

The application signed by both of us has been sent. It will probably be completed soon. The child is still young so the wife will take care of it. We have no joint assets because the house we live in is still in the name of the parents. I really do not want to lose my wife and child like this, but things are out of my control anymore.

Ms. La Linh Nga, Director of the Center for Research and Application of Psychological and Educational Sciences (Hanoi) said, sheI have seen many cases of couples breaking up after family meetings like "fighting" like Mr. Thanh's. With the mindset that the wife is bad and needs to be taught, the husband often drags both parents into the judgment. Many times, the cause of the marital conflict is very small, such as both are stressed, frustrated due to misunderstandings and tiredness when raising small children, but when adults get involved, the matter becomes complicated and causes serious damage.

"Perhaps only in Vietnam do people solve marital problems by dragging parents into it like this," the psychologist said.The one who suffered the most was the wife. As in the case of Mr. Thanh's family, the wife cried every night after that meeting and could not concentrate on her work during the day because she thought she was unfilial for causing her parents to suffer and be insulted. The words of blame and blame from her husband's family during the meeting also made her heartbroken and resentful. The wife was also completely disappointed in her husband for putting her in a difficult position and could not say a word to defend her in that denunciation.

"In reality, in such a dire situation, men cannot speak up to protect their wives because if they open their mouths, it will only make things worse," the expert shared.

She once met the case of a wife, who wasA lecturer at a university in Hanoi had a psychotic episode right after a family meeting. Everyone tried to comfort her because she had just given birth 4 months ago. But after overcoming the severe trauma, she fell into a state of depression, always suspicious of her husband's family and no longer had the affection and respect for her husband as before.

Psychologists say family meetings are like court hearings.It is unfair when the judges all show an attitude of defending the child and criticizing the other side."When a couple has problems, it is often not just one person's fault. Both need to look back at the problem and make an effort to communicate to understand, share with each other and find a solution, instead of attracting outside intervention," the psychologist said.