The secret to 'cooling down' before your partner's mistakes

From two strangers, you and your partner live under the same roof for the rest of your lives. In a life together, each person's mistakes "reveal", and both of you cannot avoid thoughtless actions that hurt each other.

What we need to keep our marriage strong and happy is to forgive and be forgiven for our mistakes. Here are some tips to help you forgive your spouse more easily:

1. Admit that your partner isn't perfect - and neither are you.

When we are dating, we always try to show our best side to each other and try to hide all our flaws. However, after marriage, that is not possible. You will quickly discover that your spouse is not as perfect as you thought. But remember, neither are you. Therefore, try to give your spouse the same patience, understanding, and forgiveness that you want them to give you.

Photo: teamworkandleadership.com.

2. Think about your partner's background

Your partner may come from a family with many flaws and bad habits. They may have inherited some of those traits from their family. They may not even realize that their behavior hurts you.

For example, your wife comes from a large family. Family members often interrupt each other during conversations. It may be the only way to have a voice in a crowded room. And when she interrupts you, you may feel disrespected or unimportant. However, in this situation, if you understand her family background, you will easily forgive her.

3. Don't take it personally

Your partner may not have meant to hurt your feelings. If you can admit that his or her actions were unintentional, it will be easier to forgive your partner.

4. Share frankly

If something is bothering you, tell your spouse. Don’t let it grow into something bigger and more serious than it really is. If it’s just a misunderstanding, your honesty will give him/her the opportunity to clarify the issue. If it’s a real issue, you’re opening the door to resolving it. Communicate intelligently and maturely. Don’t let petty issues fester. Let conflicts and disagreements in your marriage be resolved amicably.

5. Never hold grudges

Everyone wants to be a better person. And of course, your spouse is always trying to improve himself/herself. So, instead of bringing up past mistakes of your partner to criticize in the current “battle”, it is better to admit that he/she is trying to improve himself/herself. You certainly do not want your spouse to feel discouraged and give up. Just focus on the current problems and deal with them directly.

6. No “tit for tat”

It is natural and instinctive to want to get even with someone who has hurt you. But try to avoid this. Many couples get stuck in a vicious cycle of “tit for tat.” The hurt and pain build up when harsh words and anger become a habit in your communication. It is much easier to deal with one issue at a time than to intentionally hurt each other over the past.

7. Remember your partner's good qualities

Sometimes, your partner’s bad habits can drive you crazy without any good reason. And in this situation, the problem lies with you, not him/her. Therefore, to avoid letting those negative thoughts “dominate” your mind, always remind yourself of your partner’s good qualities. That will help you forget the negative feelings and realize how lucky you are to have him/her by your side.

8. Choose forgiveness

Forgiveness begins in the mind and ends in the heart. Don't cling to your hurt feelings. Focus on feelings of love, respect, and appreciation. You won't have time for anger and resentment.

9. Don't let yourself be a victim

If your partner continues to hurt you and makes no effort to change his or her behavior, you may need professional counseling. Some behaviors are unacceptable, such as repeated abuse and domestic violence. A marriage counselor can help you recognize when you should leave the marriage for your own health and safety and that of your family.

Forgiveness is a gift to your spouse, to your marriage, and to yourself. Forgiveness will bring you joy, peace of mind, and personal growth.

According to VNE