Family: In love is sharing, understanding

1. I still remember some lines from a movie I watched a long time ago about a teenage girl who runs away from home and a gangster with a good nature. The gangster asked:

- Why did you leave?

- Because my mother doesn't understand me.

- You should go home. Your mother gave birth to you and raised you like this. If she doesn't understand, who will? No one loves you like your mother.

With slow motion footage, the gangster tells the girl his story, which is also the common story of millions of children in this world. Who is the person who dares to bet their life, clearly knows that the door of life is the door of death, but still happily waits for their birth every day? Mother. When the child has a high fever and is unconscious, who watches over him, stays up all night? Mother. When the child falls down and hurts, who is heartbroken? Mother... That gangster lost his mother early. A meal with his mother is also an impossible luxury for him, only memories that have become worn out and faded. He moves a little girl who runs away from home, leaving her mother alone during the meals served, shedding tears and unable to eat, the sleepless nights waiting just because of the daily anger and resentment of adolescence.

One time, when I took my child to extra classes, my heart suddenly became happy when I saw purple water hyacinth flowers arranged in a small cup on the table. My child's teacher told me that his father was a diver, and he often picked water hyacinth flowers from the river when he came home from work for him to arrange. I don't know if it was because of familiarity or coincidence, but he loved water hyacinths more than all other luxurious and splendid flowers. Another time, I went from feeling surprised to being moved when I went to write an article in a poor fishing village. The husband sat and carved a small wooden bar, meticulously attaching it to the bottom of the slide that pushed the cart into the house. The slide was made of iron, connecting the road to the house, and was slightly crooked because the iron worker had done it carelessly. He said, please wait a moment to finish it because his wife would come home from the market in a moment, and he was afraid that she would be careless and fall. And when the wife came home from the market, the husband hurriedly pushed the cart to help, to test if the slide was really stable… The busyness of that poor couple, their actions, words, and smiles for each other, were strangely cute.

Understanding each other through actions alone is probably not enough to be called profound. My mother passed away early, but I still remember her eyes the most. I cannot lie, cannot resist... when looking into my mother's eyes. I am not afraid of ghosts, demons... as much as I am afraid of my mother's sad eyes. Because simply, I have never met a ghost or demon, but my mother's eyes, just one sad look is enough to haunt me for many years after that. And those eyes never lie to their children. When she was in her final days on the hospital bed, even though my mother always said she was fine, I still saw the weakness, pain, and regret that almost choked my heart when she understood that her time was almost up. We can share the truth with our eyes. And I can't "read" everyone's eyes like I can with my mother.

* * * * *

My friend suffered from postpartum depression. It is hard to imagine a dynamic journalist becoming a mother and a young wife after giving birth. Her hair suddenly turned gray, even though she was only in her 30s. Her head was messy and had a lot of lice. The couple could not talk to each other without arguing loudly. To free both of them, my friend decided to leave her husband, even though her mother had come from Nghe An to Saigon and cried and cried. Her mother told her that she did not dream of her child being rich, she just wanted her child to be happy. She replied: Yes, Mom, so you should support my decision. For me right now, leaving my husband is happiness, don't stop me. But you can't stop me, because I just want my child to grow up happy, not full of parents and harsh words.

After a while of breaking up, you bought a house on installments near your ex-husband's house. The couple still kept their children happy by sharing with each other. Just call your husband to ask him to look after the children when needed, and he was there 5 minutes later. It was completely different from the many days before when they were still together, the wife was sick, the children were fussy, the husband still went out drinking regardless of the phone calls that were getting hot. Therefore, even though they went their separate ways, the ex-husband and wife still happily met each other like close friends. You said, you can't believe that anyone loves their children more than their own father and mother. Therefore, you have the right to leave your husband but you don't have the right to destroy the father-child relationship. You have many ways to keep a father for your children, you don't have to cling to each other to drown in suffering but mistakenly think that having both husband and wife is happiness.

Another friend of mine also chose to live a single life raising two young children early on. She said, connecting two people from strangers to love and living together as a family, simply because they want a complete and cozy life. But at some point, when people realize that living together is not fun, cannot be compatible, does not bring happiness, they have carefully considered, then divorce. Life is always changing every day, today's self is different from yesterday's self. But the most important thing is still joy, happiness, peace in each person's soul. If living together is no longer happy and peaceful, then divorce is a good thing.

When people let go of each other, the love between them may no longer exist, but there is certainly something positive: there are still two greater loves that still exist, the love that the two of them have for themselves. Whatever no longer brings you joy in life, let it go, so that you can be light and stable, and your family can be happy. When we live truthfully with our emotions, cherish ourselves, then that is lasting happiness!

Like many of my friends, I still think that a happy family does not necessarily have to have all its members. More importantly, the members must know how to think about each other and work together towards the joy of life. When we talk about family, the most common direction is happiness. Happiness is built from bricks of love. When love has sharing and understanding, it is certainly a lasting love. Just like a house that wants to stand firm in the wind and rain cannot lack a foundation. I still think that when talking about a happy family but lacking understanding and sharing, that happiness is just a shell, that love is just lip service.

How do you keep your happiness, if not by building each brick called sharing and understanding?