Why is violent behavior considered... normal?

In recent days, the story of a famous architect named Khanh who got angry and slapped a girl has made social networks "heat up"...

Of course, many people were upset with this behavior, but on the other hand, many people sympathized and defended Khanh because "everyone gets angry sometimes". Khanh apologized, the girl forgave him, and the story had a peaceful ending.

But what I keep thinking about is that the saying “everyone gets angry sometimes” is used to justify violent behavior so easily. It is so familiar that most people accept it as a matter of course, seeing the moments of losing control as unintentional, coming from outside, not due to their own immaturity.

Set a bad example for children

In the process of growing up and maturing, many children have not learned the extremely important lesson of self-control and not using violence to behave civilly and nobly.

Violence from anger is so common that almost every parent has scolded their children, or even beaten them. In many families, parents quarrel all the time, beating each other in front of their children. They may later realize they were wrong, but the excuse they give is that they couldn’t calm down when they were angry.

The architect's slap has caused a stir in the online community in recent days. Photo: Internet

When going to school, many children have encountered teachers who get angry, insult students, spank them, and kick them out of class. There are clips posted online showing teachers who cannot control their anger, grab students by the neck and hit them, and are hit back by the students. When teachers cannot control themselves, how can they teach children a lesson about self-control?

The fact that some nannies, when angry, abused children under 5 years old is also justified like this: "My child was so angry that I hit him, let alone I have to look after dozens of children". It is really easy to justify anger and violence. Adults have instilled in children the idea that when angry, they can use violence against others. They also easily use violence against others when they are angry.

When kids fight, it’s a great opportunity to teach them about control and avoiding violence. But many parents dismiss it as childish, or go after the other kid to “show off” to them or their parents.

Lack of maturity in social and legal behavior

During a mobile court session to try a defendant on two charges of “murder” and “intentional infliction of injury”, I witnessed many people defending the defendant on the grounds that the defendant had killed his love rival cruelly, deliberately, and with careful preparation, but the primary fault was his wife’s adultery.

Illustration photo.

The jury that day was also quite harsh on the defendant’s wife. And in some of my colleagues’ articles, I read each sentence, each word emphasizing the wife’s fault, “sympathizing” with the defendant for losing control because of anger. When talking about this story, many people also told me: “In that case, I might have killed someone too, who could stay calm?”. I asked again: “What would happen to your children? Aren’t you afraid of going to jail? Do we have the right to punish others with violence?”. Many people still affirmed: “It’s okay to behead and go to jail, but doing nothing is humiliating.”

At a UNICEF workshop on violence prevention, many delegates said that some media information has reinforced social stereotypes that cause violence instead of fighting against it. Excusing violent acts is also a reason.

Recently, there have been many cases of dog thieves being beaten to death and suspected child kidnappers being severely injured because they were “too angry”. They brutally attacked to “release” all their anger on a subject, regardless of the legal consequences. I think about the families torn apart by prison, think about the families who lost their loved ones to violent mobs. Surely when they attacked, they did not think that far ahead. Or if they did think but still did not care, then they were truly irresponsible.

Self control must be the first lesson

I have a friend who followed her husband to settle in the US. She said she learned a lot from her husband about how to raise children. One day, her 4-year-old son got angry and fought with a friend. Her husband took the child to his room to talk. The boy continued to scream, so he went out and closed the door. The boy screamed until his voice was hoarse, banged on the door loudly, and then cried pitifully. But her husband patiently waited until the child calmed down before returning to the room to continue talking. He repeatedly told the child: “You must not be violent with others. You must calm down to talk.”

At school, children will also learn this lesson, to always be calm and in control of their emotions. Violence is shameful and against the law. In fact, the police will be there to “arrest” those who are violent towards children and women. The community will despise them, regardless of the cause of their anger.

A foreign friend living in District 7, panicked and ran to stop a guy who was grabbing his girlfriend's hair and hitting her because of an argument that almost led to a fight. My friend told me, I joked: "Oh, maybe she did something wrong yesterday". My friend did not realize I was joking, and sternly said to me: "No one has the right to use violence against others, what you said is nonsense".

I realized one thing, what you do when you are angry will accurately reflect your level of maturity both personally and socially.

According to PLO