Venerable Thich Tho Lac: It is not necessary to have high tables and full meals to be filial to parents.

Filial piety to grandparents and parents is a fine tradition of the Vietnamese people. However, with the changes of modern social life, the gap between generations is growing, so the awareness and behavior of filial piety are facing many challenges.

Nghe An Newspaper had a conversation with Venerable Thich Tho Lac - Head of the Central Cultural Committee of the Vietnam Buddhist Sangha, Deputy Head of the Standing Committee of the Executive Committee of the Vietnam Buddhist Sangha of Nghe An province about this issue.

Roses worn during the Vu Lan ceremony held at Diec Pagoda. Photo: Hai Vuong

There needs to be a more modern understanding of the word "filial piety"

- Venerable, in the seventh month of Vu Lan, people often talk a lot about the word Filial Piety and Filial Piety. Besides affirming the good value of Filial Piety in tradition,Many people also believe that the modern pace of life with so many changes and hustle and bustle has, is, and will cause filial piety to somewhat fade away. How should we look at this issue, Venerable?

Venerable Thich Tho Lac:Like many other religions, Buddhism highly values ​​filial piety. Buddha taught: A filial heart is a Buddha heart, filial actions are Buddha actions. A filial heart is a Buddha heart, a filial action is a Buddha action. The ancients also said: Parents in the home are like Buddha in the world; and "Filial piety is the first of all virtues", to express that parents are two very sacred beings, of a hundred virtues filial piety is the first. This Buddhist viewpoint and national tradition has permeated the minds of many generations of Vietnamese people, entering folk songs and proverbs.

Each era, each different living condition will naturally lead to changes in people's perception, behavior and actions. In today's society, through education and understanding, each person has a clearer opinion. On the other hand, we have to face many pressures, have to struggle to make a living, so the time we spend together is getting less and less. Understanding and sharing are therefore limited, conflicts between parents and children arise from trivial things in everyday life.

Photo: Phuoc Anh; Technique: Huu Quan

- Many young people think that it is difficult to fulfill their filial piety when they want to go far away to establish a career, but worry that at home they will only have lonely parents. Can you give some advice in this case?

Venerable Thich Tho Lac:Today's society is different from the past, so we need to reconsider the concept of having to stay by our parents' side to show filial piety. If you stay at home all day, have no ambition, do not strive to improve yourself, and even depend on your parents financially, then you are not a filial child.

However, that does not mean that we should be so busy going far away, realizing our ambitions that we forget our parents at home. We must always remember that birds have nests, streams have sources. Wherever we are, we must remember to call, send letters to inform, visit our parents, talk and share often so that our parents do not feel lonely.

In particular, practicing physical fitness to reassure parents, cultivating moral and lifestyle to make parents proud, having the will to progress, and living an accomplished life to make parents proud are also acts of filial piety.

Filial piety is not about high tables and full feasts.

- Some ancient views on filial piety seem to no longer be suitable for the present era. For example, the ancients taught that “The body, skin and hair are received from parents, not to be destroyed, is the beginning of filial piety”; or“There are three types of unfilial piety, the worst is not having descendants”… It is difficult to follow such concepts of filial piety when nowadays, a part of the young generation is tending to have cosmetic surgery, become single parents…

Venerable Thich Tho Lac:Changes in social life lead to changes in people's perceptions and actions, but not everyone thinks thoroughly to clearly recognize their actions. For example, with cosmetic surgery, it must be understood that appearance depends on the mind, appearance depends on the mind, the change in appearance is just a shell, it can only be flashy for a period but cannot be transformed sustainably. Instead, we should spend time and effort to change from within, from morality, lifestyle, thinking good, doing good; peace of mind makes the body peaceful. Not to mention that cosmetic surgery can lead to some health risks, making parents worry and upset. Filial piety in this specific issue should be understood from that perspective.

Lantern night with the theme "Gratefulness of birth" at Gam pagoda. Photo: Huy Thu; Technique: Huu Quan

Choosing how to live is everyone’s right, no one has the right to judge, but before each choice, you need to clearly understand the background, consequences, and be ready to face and resolve them. In the past, the traditional family model was made up of father - mother - children - grandchildren... but now many people choose a family model with only 2 people: mother - child, or husband - wife.

The problem is not arguing about right or wrong, but before each choice, you need to talk and confide so that your parents understand your decision, limiting conflicts from different thoughts and opinions.

- Recently, the press has published many cases that have angered public opinion, when children verbally and physically mistreat their parents. What is the Buddhist view on such behavior, Venerable?

Venerable Thich Tho Lac:The crime of being unfilial to one's parents is a bad karma. According to the law of cause and effect, one who sows evil will reap evil. Not to mention, from the act of being unfilial to one's parents, that child will be criticized, condemned, and shunned by society. Moreover, there is a saying that "The first drop that falls, the next drop that falls", unfilial words and actions will be a bad example for children and grandchildren, and how one treats one's parents will be the same way in the future when one's children treat one.

No one in this life is perfect, parents sometimes make mistakes, children sometimes lack understanding. However, no matter what the mistake or lack, it can be resolved through dialogue, talking and sharing; do not overemphasize the ego and forget the self; do not apply your standards to others but listen and be harmonious in all matters.

Many people sincerely perform Vu Lan ceremony at Diec Pagoda. Photo: Hai Vuong

- On Vu Lan festival, it is not difficult to see people offering lavish offerings and making expensive worship with the belief that only by doing so can they "reach" the souls of their deceased parents. Is this right or not, Venerable? And what advice do you have for children on this Vu Lan festival?

Venerable Thich Tho Lac:It is not necessary to have lavish feasts and make offerings everywhere to show filial piety to parents. Depending on the conditions, one can prepare appropriate offerings. A lavish offering does not show a thick heart, but on the contrary, it causes unnecessary waste. One can use that money for charity, to help the poor and less fortunate in society and then dedicate the merit to one's parents.

Showing filial piety to parents is a regular thing, not just a day or an occasion, but Vu Lan season is also a time to remind each person to show gratitude to their parents through specific words and actions. A kind greeting, a delicious and cozy family meal, good achievements in study and work... can be the most precious gift to parents.

- Thank you Venerable Thich Tho Lac for the conversation!