I feel like my husband's unpaid servant.

I'm afraid of losing my husband, but sometimes I feel like he's not mine for a long time. It's just that I love him one-sidedly.

He and I met when I was in college, he was my senior, 10 years older than me. He was very poor but gentle and talented, I liked him at first contact, tried every way to get to know him. I live in the countryside, and have the same personality as my mother, she lives very frugally, doesn't dress up to show off, only knows that her husband and children don't care much about the surroundings, me too.

Then he took me home, the first time I met his mother I was shocked, he lived in a rented house, his salary was meager to support both mother and child; but what caught my eye was a woman wearing heavy makeup. After spending a lot of time with her I saw that she and I were complete opposites, not to mention she spent her children's money without any regret, I gave her my salary to take care of the house and within 10 days she asked for more, if she didn't have it she would sit and cry. I looked at her and got angry, didn't like her, even hated her from the first meeting. She liked to hang out with friends, boys and girls, her boyfriends were too many to count, so I had some contempt for her.

I loved her children too much, he was very filial to my mother. He knew I didn't like my mother so he often said he couldn't leave her, like a silent reminder to me. I've been living with him for 5-6 years without getting married, there were all kinds of things between me and her, two days small fights, three days big fights, at first he didn't say anything.

I was pregnant with the fourth child, told him I wouldn't leave him anymore, told him to get married. He didn't want to get married but just kept saying "yes". I confided in his aunt, the story reached her, she also came back to the countryside to marry me. I borrowed 15 million from the company to get married, he told her to give it all to her, I planned to use that money to prepare the wedding ceremony and buy wedding clothes, but she spent it all on shopping, on the wedding day she didn't have money to buy gifts, she told me to buy fake gold to wear, or rent gold to wear.

I gave birth, it was difficult but I got through it, my sister came to take care of me for 2 months, and there was another conflict with my mother-in-law about taking care of the child. I hated her so I didn't want her to touch my child. He saw that so he said it wasn't his child. I lived with her and argued with her for a long time, and I found myself becoming more and more cruel and angry. She always took advantage of the time when my husband was home to find trouble to make me angry. When I answered her, he took my mother's side and scolded me. After giving birth to my second child, I stopped talking to her, just hoping to stop arguing, but I still felt that after more than 10 years she had changed, I could see clearly in her life, but I still had a bad feeling.

My eldest daughter is in first grade, she almost doesn't want to study. Every day I come home from work, I have to go to the market, cook, clean the house, buy clothes, and teach my children. I ask everyone if they are gentle. My mother and husband just lie on the hammock, the other person sits on the computer pointing and scolding me to be gentle with my child, then says all kinds of things, I get mad after holding it in. Yesterday I couldn't hold it in anymore and argued back loudly with him, this is the first time like that. I always give in to him and cry alone. I have been with him for more than 10 years, only the first years I felt his love, since having children until now he almost doesn't want to touch me, I hold all my sadness alone, feeling lonely and isolated in my own family. My companion is a few cigarettes in the quiet night after a tiring day, of course I hide it from him.

I smoked when I was 20, met him when I was 30, lived with him for 5-6 years then got married and after the wedding until now, it has been 8 years, he does not care about my feelings. Sometimes I feel like an outsider, a surrogate mother, an unpaid servant, when I am lonely I smoke more. When he found out I smoked, he forbade it, scolded me as if I were a slut, but I still secretly smoked. I think, besides smoking, and not liking his mother, I have never stopped loving him, always taking care of his every meal and sleep. He told me that was enough. Yesterday we had a big argument, I said if the baby was still in my belly, I would have left the house a long time ago, he got angry and left all night. I don't know where he went, I called him and he blocked the call, the next day he came back, indifferent to me.

I'm afraid of losing my husband, but sometimes I feel like he's not mine anymore, I just love him one-sidedly. At night when I go to bed, I'm always the one who takes the initiative to hug him, he pushes me away, sometimes just to "do his homework". Do you believe that for the past few years, he's always pushed me away whenever I want to hug him? And when we have sex, he just does it quickly to finish, since giving birth until now I rarely reach climax, and I don't care about that. What should I do now?

According to VNE