I feel like my husband's unpaid servant.

I'm afraid of losing my husband, but sometimes I feel like he hasn't been mine for a long time, it's just that I love him one-sidedly.

He and I met when I was in college, he was my senior, 10 years older than me. He was very poor but gentle and talented, I liked him at first sight, tried every way to get to know him. I live in the countryside, and have the same personality as my mother, she lives very frugally, doesn't dress up to show off, only knows that her husband and children don't care much about the surroundings, me too.

Then he took me home, the first time I met his mother I was shocked, he lived in a rented house, his salary was meager to support both mother and child; but what caught my eye was a woman with heavy makeup. After spending a lot of time with her, I saw that she and I were complete opposites, not to mention she spent her children's money without regret, I gave her my salary to take care of the house, but within 10 days she asked for more, if she didn't have it she would sit and cry. I looked at her and was angry, I didn't like her, even hated her from the first meeting. She liked to hang out with friends, boys and girls, her lovers were too many to count, so I despised her.

I loved her son too much, he was very filial to my mother. He knew I didn't like my mother so he often said he couldn't leave her, like a silent reminder to me. I've been living with him for 5-6 years without getting married, there were all kinds of things between me and her, two days small fights, three days big fights, at first he didn't say anything.

I was pregnant with the fourth child, told him I wouldn't abort anymore, told him to get married. He didn't want to get married but kept saying yes. I confided in his aunt, the story reached her, she also came back to her hometown to marry me. I borrowed 15 million from the company to get married, he told me to give it all to her, I planned to use that money to prepare for the wedding and buy wedding clothes, but she spent it all on shopping, on the wedding day she didn't have money to buy the wedding clothes, she told me to buy fake gold to wear, or rent gold to wear.

I gave birth, it was difficult but I got through it, my sister came to take care of me for 2 months, and there was another conflict with my mother-in-law about taking care of the child. I hated her so I didn't want her to touch my child. He saw that so he said it wasn't his child. I lived with her and argued with her for a long time, and I found myself becoming more and more cruel and angry. She always took advantage of the time when my husband was home to find something to make me angry. When I answered her, he took my mother's side and scolded me. After the birth of my second child, I stopped talking to her, just hoping to stop arguing, but I still felt that after more than 10 years she had changed, I could see clearly in her life, but I still felt bad for her.

My eldest daughter is in first grade, she almost doesn't want to study. Every day I come home from work, I have to go to the market, cook, clean the house, buy clothes, and teach my child. I ask everyone if they are gentle. My mother and husband just lie on the hammock, the other person sits on the computer, pointing and scolding me to be gentle with my child, and says all kinds of things. I can't stand it anymore and argue with him loudly. This is the first time I've done that. I've always given in to him and cried alone. I've been with him for more than 10 years, only the first years I felt his love. Since having my child, he almost doesn't want to touch me. I carry all my sadness alone, feeling lonely and isolated in my own family. My companion is a few cigarettes in the quiet night after a tiring day, of course I hide it from him.

I smoked when I was 20, met him when I was 30, lived with him for 5-6 years then got married and after the wedding until now, it has been 8 years, he doesn't care about my feelings. Sometimes I feel like an outsider, a surrogate mother, an unpaid servant, when I'm lonely I smoke more. When he found out I smoked, he forbade it, scolded me as if I were a slut, but I still secretly smoked. I think, besides smoking, and not liking his mother, I have never stopped loving him, always taking care of him with every bite of food and sleep. He told me that was enough. Yesterday we had a big argument, I said if the baby was still in my belly, I would have left the house a long time ago, he got angry and left all night. I don't know where he went, I called him and he blocked the call, the next day he came back, indifferent to me.

I'm afraid of losing my husband, but sometimes I feel like he's not mine anymore, I just love him one-sidedly. At night when I go to bed, I'm always the one who takes the initiative to hug him, he pushes me away, sometimes just to "do his homework". Do you believe that for the past few years, he's always pushed me away whenever I want to hug him? And when we have sex, he just does it quickly to finish, since giving birth until now I rarely reach climax, and I don't care about that. What should I do now?

According to VNE