Children's choked tears awaken parents

Illustration: Minh Tam

This is the first time my child has gotten two 9s in the final exam since grade 1. This year is the final year, the exam score is more important than other school years because it will be used to apply to grade 6 at high-quality schools.

Unable to contain myself, I yelled at my child. As if I had been waiting for that moment, tears immediately flowed from her eyes, and she continued to sob and sob. Surely from the moment the teacher read the score until then, she had tormented herself a lot, and my scolding was the last straw. Hearing her cry, I felt my heart tighten. It was obvious that she was too sad and angry with herself, I did not need to delve deeper into her suffering.

Angry at myself for feeling sorry for my child, I remembered my school days. Back then, I was miserable and cried so many times because of my grades. I was afraid of being scolded by my mother, afraid of being inferior to my friends, afraid of being judged by teachers and outsiders as incompetent and stupid. Every time I got a low score, my self-confidence and self-esteem were terribly damaged. Yet, now I was causing my child the same feelings.

A while later, when the crying stopped and my mood returned to normal, I whispered to my mother that many children in my class cried today.

You got a score of 9 like me and cried because you didn't get a 10 as your parents wanted. You got an 8 and cried because you didn't get a 9 and missed out on the title of excellent student.

Everyone feels that there is some injustice with their efforts, their hard work, their expectations. And everyone shares the same worry and fear when thinking about the disappointed eyes, the sorrowful sighs, and the furious anger of their parents waiting at home.

Some of them are even worried that they will be beaten. Listening to my children, I feel so sorry for them.

Points! What are they really, why do they have such a powerful destructive power on children's souls? Generation after generation studies day and night, happy and sad, happy and sad according to the meaningless points. The future has as many exams as there are tears falling from children's eyes.

High or low scores are only temporary, tests of a few subjects are only a small assessment channel compared to the child's entire ability. Moreover, learning is a long and arduous process. Outsiders' praise or criticism is useless, parents' pride or shame is only a temporary emotion, while the child's hurt is forever.

Most parents mistakenly think that their children getting high scores means they are good at studying, good at studying means success and success means happiness, so they force their children to study according to that cycle. Therefore, they forget that the most important and meaningful happiness, right now, is to let children be peaceful, gentle and serene with their studies. Let's return studying to its true nature: studying to know, to do, to live with others and to discover one's own abilities, not studying to take exams or to get high scores.

As a mother witnessing my child's tears because of grades, I awaken myself and hope everyone will also awaken so that the golden circle of grades does not tighten around children's heads forever.